Are you a boobies or asses fan?

I’ve once seen a documentary on BBC  about human sexuality and its history. One of the thesis presented there went as: women developed breasts that stay full and supple even if they are not actually lactating and nursing as a result of human starting to walk on two legs instead of four. You see, when the only way of movement available to our ancestors was crawling, the only mating position possible was doggy style. You like it, don’t you? It allows you to view those nice round globes on the ass of your partner, you can spank them (mrrrr), knead them (meoooww). I bet our forefathers also enjoyed it and watching the butts of their mates was a real turn on.

But then the situation changed, humans started to walk on two legs, so automatically more mating positions started to be available. But if you do a missionary style or another position when a woman is on the top you don’t get this nice view of ass cheeks that was such a stimulation in a doggy style. So what did our Mother Nature do in these circumstances? It simply ‘allowed’ women to grow breasts and to keep them round even if other mammals’ breasts become smaller when they don’t actually nurse. Thus breasts became toys for men instead of just staying a feeding tool. They do indeed may look like a smaller version of an ass. Especially if you squeeze them together to produce some cleavage…

Having said that, what is your preference, gents? What do you enjoy more, looking at boobs or at asses?

Oral sex – blow jobs and eating pussy

After watching and listening to the above I, as well as any other woman, might add: “it won’t lick itself, so what are you waiting for?” Steel Panther excels at writing sexually explicit and funny lyrics, but obviously oral sex hasn’t started to be popular in their heyday. Who actually ‘invented’ it? Aren’t you curious?

It seems that using mouth and tongue to please another person was already common among the ancient people. Especially before Christian missionaries started to fight with it, it was appreciated in many primitive cultures.

Already in the 7th century BC, a poet, Archilloch wrote a poem, a hymn to fellatio – the oldest known  literary form about this manner of ars amandi, and as the ancient Greeks considered oral sex as one of the most pleasant ways of loving, this poem may have not been the only one. Ancient Romans were of the same opinion about blow jobs, the only difference is that there was rank involved. It was ok to receive fellatio from somebody of a lower rank than you, while it was considered degrading and out of question to give it to somebody that stood lower in the hierarchy than you..

Ancient Chinese also favoured oral sex, their poets and philosophers encouraged both sexes to take every possible pleasure from it. According to them, eating your woman out granted her eternal youth and health.

Indian Kamasutra also describes oral sex, here however, the authors suggest that this kind of pleasures should be provided by a ‘qualified personnel’  rather than spouses. Oral sex though pleasant was considered impure and it was impossible to require impure things from a loved person.

The problem came with Christianity and middle dark ages when everything connected with sex started to be seen as sin, obviously this form of pleasuring one another joined the long list of transgressions. Sex that was not leading to procreation and served only the purpose of creating pleasure and fulfilling one’s desire couldn’t be left out. According to the middle ages doctrine anything that did it led you the very bottom of hell. Do I have to add that such a close, intimate contact between lips and sexual organs was filthy as hell at the very least in the eyes of church representatives?

As a result, quite a lot of cultures had to say bye to fellatio and cunnilingus for quite a long time – all the inhabitants of Africa, both Americas, even Australian Aborigenes…

What’s funny is that Jews never had these kind of restrictions against oral sex. It was always considered ‘natural’ in this religion…

Our naughty cave ancestors…

Looking at the overwhelming presence of sex themes in the media all around us one may start to think that past generations had very little sex and if they did it was in the darkness and under covers and during the act they were wearing all those long nighties that make any person look completely asexual. Some of them did I suppose, but recent findings show that our ancestors took much more pleasure and fun in sex. Do you think that all the sex gadgets and porn are modern inventions? Not really. After all as long as people have penises and pussies they will want to keep them entertained.

The first sex gadget to be discovered point back as early as the Upper Paleolithic era, which was from 40,000 to 10,000 years ago. However not much research has been done on the subject of what our cave female ancestors were really doing when the men folk went hunting.  Another finding points to 5th century BCE, when the Greeks began producing something called an olisbos that was sold in the port of Miletus. Olisbos was a dildo sculpted in wood. I just hope they got it smooth enough, without splinters…

The same refers to first nude paintings, we can’t take the ‘responsibility’ for inventing them, neither past generations who lived in the last 2 thousand years as the first nude paintings come from 40,000 years ago. And while some scientists may argue that they depict some fertility rites, the paintings found in caves in Spain and elsewhere in Europe show sex not so much as a biological function but a kick ass way to spend an afternoon. More than that, some of these acts that are drawn there could only result in procreation if a woman’s mouth had a somewhat direct connection with her feminine equipment. Yeah, cavemen knew the pleasures of blow jobs.