A vibrating app

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I’m not a fan of smartphones, I just don’t like the overwhelming surrender to the apps. However, no matter if I like it or not, new apps keep on appearing. One of them is a Vibease, a remote-controlled app for partners to please ladies from afar. The tagline is “Stay in love always.” According to Vibease, to “stay in love always” one needs only to program and command the smartphone vibrator, sending your partner long-distance oscillations.

Hmmm, while it may work, I may as well just take a regular vibrator and call my lover during a sexy session of using it. I don’t need an app for that.

The only problem I foresee is when they invent an app that will do blow jobs. Then, ladies, we may be in trouble, just like in this joke:

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk. 

“I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive”, she said.

“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?”

“$50.00?? For a Frog??” asked the woman.

The clerk said, “It’s a special frog. It gives blow jobs.”

Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought this was a heck of a deal. She’d get her husband a gift he’d surely enjoy, and she’d never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog.

She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he’d try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she’d never have to give another blow job.

About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.

“What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?” asked the woman.

The guy looks up at her and says, “Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here.”

What’s good is that even if there is an app for cooking, they still have to follow the instructions and do all the work themselves. Which may be a bit hard as some of men are really lazy about housework. The other thing is that you probably know perfectly well how many bad things may happen when a man gets down to cooking 😉  And that they are capable of doing some things that even the dumbest proverbial blonde won’t do.

How about a new sexy product for rock or heavy metal bands?

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Everybody knows that sex and rock’n’roll go together. I don’t really believe any of the rockers is or has been a good boy who kept his pants up while on tour. All the groupie gossip boards are the best proof though I suspect most of the stuff posted there is what it is – just gossip. Impossible to prove true.

However, the point is, rock and heavy metal bands do inspire women erotically… Quite a lot of us would love to check out what they have in their pants. The tough truth though is that hardly any of us will be ever privileged to find it out. And you, rockers, would also have a lot of ‘work’ satisfying every lady’s curiosity, there are just too many of us. Though I bet it would be a really pleasant job…

Thus a suggestion of a new product that won’t strain you physically or put the bliss of your regular relationship at stake. A new line of sex toys. One band has already attempted it, don’t know how much success the product has have, but why not try? It’s just a few pieces of plastic or rubber. Just remember gents, don’t cheat (you know what I’m talking about) and include a personal signature. 😉

suggestion of a new product

This way each woman could satisfy her erotic dreams or fantasies connected with heavy metal and rock band whenever she wanted to.

TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF…

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TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP AND HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY… From Damn My Halo Broke Again

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can’t hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between  man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9……

G-POINT AND TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF…

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TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY… From Damn I lost my halo again.

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Well, our male protagonists do know how to find a G-spot and you, guys? Or is it like it that joke about G-point and bar? The difference between the both is that the most men know how to find the latter… More clues? Well, Certainly for quite a lot of women their G-points are placed at the letter G in word shopping… You already knew guys, that quite a lot of us would prefer to go and buy some new dress, lipstick, shoes, you name it, instead of bed play? Especially if we could use your credit card…

Ok, more seriously. How to become a sex expert and  find and stimulate a G-point in a woman’s pussy in for those of you who don’t know yet. The instructional link is here, as I’m not sure if WordPress will permit such naughty videos embedded directly into the body of the post. Note that you may need to log in to confirm your age to watch.