A vibrating app

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I’m not a fan of smartphones, I just don’t like the overwhelming surrender to the apps. However, no matter if I like it or not, new apps keep on appearing. One of them is a Vibease, a remote-controlled app for partners to please ladies from afar. The tagline is “Stay in love always.” According to Vibease, to “stay in love always” one needs only to program and command the smartphone vibrator, sending your partner long-distance oscillations.

Hmmm, while it may work, I may as well just take a regular vibrator and call my lover during a sexy session of using it. I don’t need an app for that.

The only problem I foresee is when they invent an app that will do blow jobs. Then, ladies, we may be in trouble, just like in this joke:

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk. 

“I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive”, she said.

“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?”

“$50.00?? For a Frog??” asked the woman.

The clerk said, “It’s a special frog. It gives blow jobs.”

Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought this was a heck of a deal. She’d get her husband a gift he’d surely enjoy, and she’d never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog.

She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he’d try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she’d never have to give another blow job.

About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.

“What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?” asked the woman.

The guy looks up at her and says, “Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here.”

What’s good is that even if there is an app for cooking, they still have to follow the instructions and do all the work themselves. Which may be a bit hard as some of men are really lazy about housework. The other thing is that you probably know perfectly well how many bad things may happen when a man gets down to cooking 😉  And that they are capable of doing some things that even the dumbest proverbial blonde won’t do.


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10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Well, our male protagonists do know how to find a G-spot and you, guys? Or is it like it that joke about G-point and bar? The difference between the both is that the most men know how to find the latter… More clues? Well, Certainly for quite a lot of women their G-points are placed at the letter G in word shopping… You already knew guys, that quite a lot of us would prefer to go and buy some new dress, lipstick, shoes, you name it, instead of bed play? Especially if we could use your credit card…

Ok, more seriously. How to become a sex expert and  find and stimulate a G-point in a woman’s pussy in for those of you who don’t know yet. The instructional link is here, as I’m not sure if WordPress will permit such naughty videos embedded directly into the body of the post. Note that you may need to log in to confirm your age to watch.